Few week back aku terserempak and sempat berborak dengan seorang teman.Umur dia dah 40 something. And his one and only daughter was almost 1 year that time. Personally what I understand was, he himself and his wife both are career minded, and they have been together for almost 13 years.
Coincidentally the discussion turn to sharing moments. After briefly summarized his story (quietly), to cut the story short,I asked him "How can you stay put in that kind of relationship?, living under the same roof but in a different world at the same times?" Even slept in different bed!. His answer sounded very simple...
"I'm a Survivor, a lone ranger. I'm used to it already. I stay put because of my responsibility."
After the meeting departed, I keep thinking bout his simple answer. The one word yang dok terngiang2 kat telinga aku...SURVIVOR??
Well he cant be blamed for the way he looked at it. He's a man, he's a husband. Satu kenyataan ikhlas (mungkin ya, mungkin tidak) dari seorang lelaki yang dah melalui.
Adakah aku pun akan berfikiran macam tu bila umo dah 40 nanti? Will I? Do i want to be like them? Should i expect that kind of relationship? Should I just accept it the way it will be? Will I allow that? After kita usaha cari pasangan dlm hidup... lepas kawen, telan je whatever life offering? Surviving ler katanya????
Am i a Survivor???
No! Of course I'm not! I'm more a Fighter than a Survivor.
That wasn't the relationship that I dreamed of. I hate to sleep alone, I hate to be a loner, I hate to come back to an empty house... Sunyi! dan sunyi itu menyakitkan bagi seorang ibu dan juga seorang isteri. I want the kind of relationship mcm dlm movie, macam dlm novel. Umur 40 -50 tahun pun masih berpegangan tangan and bergurau senda. I want to be a model to my own kids. I want to be the main sources of entertainment, enjoyment, happiness and love to my other half , and expecting the same from him.
Sapa kata tak boleh??? Aku yakin Boleh! and I will fight for it. I fight for my dreamed love, dreamed ending, dreamed journey... on the job and off the job. I'm a fighter and I will fight for what I believe. If not for this time.. there will be some other time.
Yes we need a job to earn a living. But dont sacrifice kesucian dan keindahan satu ikatan perkahwinan for other insignificant cause. Work to live, dont live to work.
nota tumit tinggi: Oh! maafkanlah english ku yang broken...