Dec 8, 2010

Dare To Blog – Day 11 (Surat untuk seorang teman yang aku cuba tak nak benci)



Aku tak suka benci orang.. sebab aku tau kebencian adalah kelemahan aku.. sekali aku benci, buruk padahnya pada aku dan mereka. Kebencian mematikan motivasi, kebencian mematikan naluri, kebencian memati kan kebahagiaan. Hidup mesti terus, kebencian harus padam.. ketenangan mesti digarap. Hanya dengan cara tu kebahagiaan dapat dikecapi.


This true letter was drafted long ago.. the memory of those days when……


Dear  Teman,


Sorry for interrupting you this way. As it very hard to communicate with you, so I don’t have other choice but to make you read. Hope you cud open up your heart and read this till the end.

I don’t want to judge you unjustly but, I still deeply uncomfortable the way you deal with our issue. I can’t just sweep it under the carpet as u do, pretending it doesn’t exist. Because it does, it’s a REALITY that you and I had to accept. 

I won’t ask you to apologize if you think you don’t owe me any. But at least, be honest so that I cud walk out and move on. Say it even if it will hurt me. I can’t read mind, I read lips. And when lips failed, I read attitude. So please don’t just give excuses, or the cold shoulder when your actions speak loud enough saying “GO AWAY”. I rather fail with honor and respect than succeed with disgrace.

I can’t control what you may think about me, but “undoubtedly” yes I admit it as partly my own mistake. But I am a Fighter not a survivor. Whether it make me or break me, I take chance and justify my act. I don’t step on my problem and don’t holding back from telling the truth, or to find the truth. Albeit it will be painful, but hurt is not a lifetime liability, it just a blessing in disguise. And sorry you fail this part.

Remember the time where you broke the last promise. I waited for an eye to eye, heart to heart conversation. The day where I want to tell you that even how bad I want it, I just can’t continue to be with you, to stay this way by your side. And as usual, you were not there.. again.

I just have the feeling that if i stay long enough,  it could end us up with more conflict, distraction, disrespect and hatred towards each other. My wish was to honestly tell you that, and ended all this in a nicest way to be remembered. But rather to have it graciously, you ruined it. Yes I am upset, hurt and disrespect. Are you happy now? Do you feel content with the way it is now?

Despite of the fact that I know more about you than you think, and moreover than what you know about me, I don’t want to have any hatred, or disrespect you in any way. So now, I believe I have done what I had to do.

Anyway, THANK YOU! And forgive me if I did any mistake, forgive me if I ever hurt you for any reason, forgive me if I am not up to your expectation, and  and forgive me for being myself. And yes, after writing this all, I feel so blessed and content.


Yours Truly,


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