I don’t know what is wrong with me lately. I’ve been emotionally mess and feeling so far removed from my own self most of the time. Its so pathetic, My scattered mood easily soar to rock bottom in no time.
I feel resentful, cranky, angry, uncomfortable and isolated. and i started to doubt every single decision i made. I’ve never doubt my own self the way i do now. Yes i feel terribly bad, and its kill me. I even feel so weak and pathetic for writing this.
I started to questioned myself.
Do I in a dysfunctional relationship???? or am I bleeding from my own self-inflicted wounds??? Am I a loser???? yadda yadda yadda?????
Hell yeah.. i don’t have the answer.
Due to the fact that I've encountered many issues with my darling lately (literally not very recent!), it started breaking down my self esteem piece by piece, make me feel more hopeless and useless.
Less than month ago he suggested to bring me to some place (i hardly remember the name), as he think that someone might have put a spell on me huhuhuuh. He feel bad about my hatred towards myself, himself and our relationship, and think someone may just trying to separate us. Irony isn’t it????
But do I hate him?? Hell NO! I Love him! and so much love till only hurt remains. Yes, he did hurt me badly, but i still love him.
But do I need to believe that black magic or spell was put on me??? My heart is bleeding, my soul is dying… can black magic really do that?
Last saturday, i had this “muka ketat’s” mood again. He asked me why, and i had no answer for that. I don't bluffed, i really don't know the answer.
“Dear, cepatlah bawak i ketempat yang you nak bawak i haritu. Please before i changed my mind again, and asap before i lari ”.